Anxiety. Regret. Insecurity. Self-hatred. Guilt. Sadness. Discouragement. Loneliness. At times we may find ourselves ruled by negative emotions. Past problems, crises, bad decisions, dysfunctional relationships, can all carry burdensome feelings that we just can’t seem to shake. Even the best of leaders can find themselves at an impasse. 

Unchecked, emotional instability can lead to sudden irritability, fits of anger, antisocial behavior, outbursts and even substance abuse. As you grow from childhood to adulthood, most people learn how to identify, control and regulate emotions. For some this comes easy, while with others, emotions become overwhelming. Here are a few suggestions for bringing overwhelming feelings under control when you experience them:

1. Know that you are never ruined. You are not a shirt with a permanent stain on it. Shame is a common response to negative thoughts and emotions. We begin to think that we are uncapable of handling and moving on from these feelings. God promises in Isaiah 50:7, “But the Lord God helps me; therefore I have not been disgraced; therefore I have set my face like a flint, and I know that I shall not be put to shame.” No matter what has happened in life and the emotions that come over you because of it, there is no reason to feel ashamed. If God is before you then you can certainly move on from here. Remember, emotions are not permanent.

2. Align your actions. This is simply beginning to do things—specific and direct actions—that you know are the right response to what you are feeling. If you are filled with regret of the past, then write down those things which you regret and burn the paper. It’s a tangible step to moving on. If you are insecure, then do something that you are typically afraid of. Invite a friend along to help you keep up your bravery. Actions help us regulate emotions by reprogramming the mind to react outwardly versus holding it all in. Overwhelming emotions often cause us to curl up in a ball and lock others out. Resist that urge and do the opposite. 

3. Get perspective. Get a counselor or life coach and begin to talk it out. Life is easier when it is shared with others. And experts can give you a perspective outside of your own head that you may not have considered. Let them help you consider how something will really impact you in ten minutes, ten months or ten years. A differing viewpoint is often key to putting emotions into context. Not every thought that we have is valid and true. Be willing to risk asking someone else for their opinion, and consider upon hearing it if your own viewpoint might be askew. 

4. Wait. Patience is paramount to handling emotions. Sometimes you will find over time they simply fade away. Distance and time also helps lessen the impact. “This, too, shall pass” is an old saying that has some truth to it. Building up patience means developing a tolerance for being uncomfortable. Can you function well not knowing the end result or all of the answers? Also, slow down. Patience comes when we purposefully put aside the rush of life. Not everything must be done today. 

5. Ask God. Listed last, because it’s the one you should most remember. For the Christ-follower God promises that “…the peace of God, which surpasses all comprehension, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus” (Philippians 4:7). In prayer, you can ask God for stability. You can ask Him for gratitude. You can ask Him to direct you to Scriptures. And you can ask Him to bear fruit (spiritual work) in your life. God promises that when we seek Him, He will answer. Philippians 4:6, the verse right before His promise of peace, says, “Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication, with thanksgiving, let your requests be made known to God…”